Tuesday, 7 September 2010

Another member to this crappy club

It never gets any easier, when you hear about someone else joining this crappy club I'm in. It is even worse when its someone you know, a good person. I wish so much that I could fast forward time for them to when its easier to survive. The thing is I don't know my friends wife and as a man he is guarded with how much he talks about. Theres that I am meant to be the strong one in this. I think its hard because I have done the time and I remember so many of the "I wish I'd known about this." or "I wish I'd done this." but of course those things can't be forced on you at that time. How do I help, why do i not remember what to do to make things easier. I guess the answer is that i can't make anything easier. I hope though that i gave him an insight into how he can be there for his wife.

Then its the selfish part of me that comes up where i remember how i felt when i said goodbye to my boys and some of the scars crack open a little again. Its all enforcing my need to do "something" to try and comfort others in my area.
I know a lovely woman who lives in Canada who started a great project for greiving parents. The idea is simple but very effective. A little bear called patches who travels around the country and visits those parents for a while to bring them a bit of comfort.
I'd love to do something like in the UK but not really sure if it would work as well over here. Its another thing that i will think about for some time. Maybe i should just give it a go and see if it takes off, nothing ventured and all that.

I am waiting for the phonecall to tell me that the memorial steak is ready for me to pick up. I hope it is ready before the 28th.

Saturday, 4 September 2010

I am Terri's follower of the month & my list

I am follower of the month of my dear friend Terri's blog. If i do have any followers/readers take a look at Terri's blog and say hello.

I also actualy did some of the things on the list that i wrote yesterday. I phoned the hospital and got some details of who i need to speak to and have also found out about a parent panel session. So hopefully this will mean that I can get Angel RAE's off the ground.

I then went to town and placed the order for the memorial marker for the boys grave, which we can place on Evan's Angelday that is coming up.

Friday, 3 September 2010

As another year goes by.

Will it really be 12 years ont he 28th. Where has the time gone that my Son would be 12 this year. I am an old hat at this now and yes i can goes weeks now without that pain. I think of all by boys daily but that feeling that my heart is turning to stone as its so heavy doesn't get me as often anymore. In someways i am so thankful for that but in other i think i hope they don't think its because i am "over" losing them...that will never happen.
Many of my friends are going through their anniversaries around about now, thats probably because we all seemed to find Share at the same time. Thank God for Share! and my "sisters"
So ihave been reading a few more blogs lately and the heavy heart is back, not just for my sorrows but when i think of all the pain my friends are going through. I wish i didn't live so far away from them or had lots of money so i could go and see them. They are my insperation and if i could achieve some of the things they have i will be a happier person.

My dad always called me a "gunna" when i was younger, as in "I'm always gunna do this and gunna do that but never quite get round to it." Well he was right really as i have so many things i want to do but they are all still in the "to do" pile. Angel RAE's is just a post on my blog as i don't have the money to buy things or the time to make them right now. I started to crochet a small blanket to hopefully get one box to the hospital for Evans 12th Angelday.

Maybe if i put my to do list on here it might spur me on to get some of them finished.
1. Contact the hospital to see if there are any other organisations helping the ward that delivers the Angels.
2.Take at least one memorial box to the hospital.
3. Order the memorial stake for the boys grave (12 years and i still can't bare to put a stone down)
4. Get my house in order so i can start some Angel Rae things going.